I'm not obsessed, just impolite

So despite the knowledge that the ex was and IS in fact a retard, and that at every stage in the relationship, you were in fact the ‘Hot One, the break up and consequential aftermath still hurts like hell.

So how do we obviate the hurt? Do we obviate it? Or do we let ourselves have a big fat wallow accompanied by chocolate, wine, gin and scenes not unlike Bridget Jones’ breakdown?

Honestly, I have no idea. But my rule of thumb from past understandings is that it takes around half the duration of the relationship to move on. Until that time, you’re pretty much stuffed. Take the pain, the anger, the drunken ramblings and roll with it. But here are some tried and tested words of wisdom (or… learning from my mistakes) as to what NOT to do:

1. Eschew technology-
Whilst Facebook et al are fabulous sources for information gathering, once you have established his position on the retard scale by virtue of him dumping your ass you don’t need a reminder of this.

The constant stalking of his page and lingering on chat hoping for him to appear is not helping you. Because what you are more than likely to see is him being tagged in photos with girls uglier than you, befriending slutty whores and having them incessantly comment on his wall.

Will this make you feel better? Certainly not. So JUST DON’T DO IT. Reduce the feeds you get about him…. The old adage of out of sight out of mind is most definitely true.

2. You are STILL the Hot One-
No matter how much of a douche he was in breaking it off, the fact remains that you are the hot one. So whilst he may need to run out and hook up with random skanky bitches as a means of affirming his own self worth, lowering your standards and slipping your tongue into the mouth of a lesser representative of the opposite gender does not help.

Don’t have an ugly rebound romance, and please, for the love of God don’t post it on facebook. You will regret it. I promise. I’ve been there.

Go for a run, have some gin, smoke a joint. Whatever makes you smile. Just don’t put it on the web… you are the hot one- don’t post photos which could indicate otherwise.


3. Whilst Facebook stalking is legal, physical intelligence gathering is more of an ethical and legal misnomer.

But lets face it, we do it.

It may be the frequenting of the favourite café where you used to share a Sunday morning brunch, going to a gig you perhaps wouldn’t in the hope of a run in, or altering your route to work ever so slightly to drive past his house.
Whilst we all do it, I’m fairly certain we don’t own up to it. Why? Coz we think it would make us sound COMPLETELY FUCKING CRAZY.

And it is. It feels comforting to see him, and know he is not with a new girl, or is wearing the same ugly jeans, but what purpose does this achieve? We have not broken our emotional dependence upon him, and are reinforcing the psychological bond which must be severed following the severance of relationship ties.

4. Being dumped is not a defence to criminality-

Revenge is a dish best served cold. So, throwing rocks at his windows/keying his car/ripping the pockets out of his pants/any other form of spiteful act really just reinforces his (deranged) motivations for ending it in the first place.

So this pretty much brings me to the crux of my rant:
The best way to enact revenge is to live the best life you can for yourself. Think hot, look hot, be happy. Surround yourself by people who love you, and feel free to fish for compliments to bank to neutralise his shit.

Because one day, be it ten days or ten years later, you will bump into him. And you will look better than him. And be better than him. It’s a question of how much better. Make him rue the day he ever ended it.


And before this comes off as too preachy, here is some news about me:
I have been obsessing over a relationship which whilst short, was filled with a ridiculous degree of passion, intensity, meaning, depth, friendship, compatibility and overall- potential.

His decision to end it on the grounds of ‘not seeking something too serious’ left me in a quandary. Did he just want to play the field? Well evidently not, as his time seems to be spent on facebook or with his guy friends, NOT picking up other women.

So then why? Why was I not good enough?

This hurt more than discovering infidelity, and took a long time to get over. But as of today I am 100% ok, and I know it. I do not fantasise about running into him, or him declaring his mistake and his newly realised unabashed love for me.

I hid his facebook news, I avoid his house, and I live my life for me.

(this only started today…. So learn from my mistakes!!!!)

Love, Peace and Gin to all…