Greetings from Canadialand

Helloooooo from Calgary!

So I kind of forgot to tell you, little cyberworld, but I shall be spending the next three weeks or so jaunting across Canada, America and Mexico, in search of new bands, men and awkward stories to bring to you.

No, in truth I'm just having a mission toward obesity. Truly. I'm going to be freaking enormous. It will be great.

So I figured I'd jot down some stories of my first 24 hours in Canadia and amusing travel anecdotes that no one actually gives a shit about. So feel free to skip this if it bores you. I won't mind.

"Awesome" stories: (you decide)

1. Was nearly swallowed whole by an American family on the flight to LA. Pretty much. They spent the whole flight complaining about how there wasn't enough food on the plane... and after a while they started looking at me oddly. Was I their very own Breakfast Bob? I think I'd make good bacon...

(In absence of a successful google image search for 'Breakfast Bob', I give you a Noel Fielding doodle instead. Same effect)

What made it even scarier was that all five members of this family were dressed in head to toe Ed Hardy. This offended by 'Stuff White People Like' sensibilities. That, and I didn't want to be eaten by douchebags.

2. Upon arrival at LA, I was attempting to find the check-in for Air Canada. Upon approaching a rather large, responsible looking gentleman to get directions, I was oh-so politely informed that no, he had no idea as he was a bodyguard working on the NCIS shoot which was happening on location, and yes in fact I had just walked through a scene as they were filming, but that's ok.

So I turn and see Mark Harmon (total dish!) and feel very Hollywood...

3.Canada has squirrels! I had a massive tourist moment when I first saw one running across the road. I stopped, stared, pointed and guffawed. Locals rolled their eyes at me. I don't care. It was awesomes />Ok, so that's about all the news I have. I have spent the first 24 hours eating and drinking with crazy French, Dutch, Swiss and Finnish folk. Off to a football game to have a proper Canadian experience. However, I have a question: what football shall I be watching?

I thought perhaps gridiron? Better known as American Football? But we are not in America? Hence what is Canadian Football? I suppose I shall find out tomorrow.

Monday is off to Datarock by myself (I'm cool like that), at a venue called Broken City, described as the 'favourite hipster hangout'. Considering this city is full of people in cowboy hats, trust me with by absolute hatred of hipsters to sniff out their little hangout... ugh.

I leave you with..... some truly rocking Datarock tracksuits. I may buy one on Monday and make it my uniform for the rest of the trip. Would go down a treat in Mexico I think...