Napoleon Says...

... click these links for some Sunday evening/Monday morning cheer.

This is just the most amazing thing ever. I want to party with him.
Admittedly we have been a little inefficient in posting content of late. Blame it on the weather- 28 degree days in the middle of winter simply demand time spent in sunshine, enjoying picnics and cheeky sips of seasonally premature Pimms'.

Substantial, detailed posts requiring thought shall be posted in due course as means of procrastination from university demands, but in the meantime, some links which have made us smile this weekend.

1. The Model School-

An independent band from right here in Sydney, these guys are well worth checking out. With a lead singer whose voice at times perfectly channels Beck, I can attest these boys are fantastic. L and I caught them last night at the Excelsior Hotel and their mix of self-deprecation, conscious reference and pure musical delight is a fantastic combination.

Check their myspace and give lead track "Not My Town" a listen...

www.myspace.com/themodelschool

2. The Big Pink-

This band has an awesome name, which as you know tickles me pink (oohh, awesomely bad pun!). A London duo, the name is a little risque if your mind resides with mine (in the gutter). However in all honesty I'm going to take a stab and say it references the debut album of The Band rather than tawdry smut.

Anyhoo, their track Dominos has been getting a bit of play on jjj and it is truly infectious. Here's a youtube clicky. I couldn't be bothered to find an official one, so here's a dubious image of two men in a toilet, and some pubic hair for you to gaze at for a few minutes. Thank me later.


3. I'm not fat, I'm cool!

Check this article. It is so fantastic. In keeping with our weekly theme of hipster ridicule.

Interestingly enough, it appears this little trend may have permeated through to the Sydney scene somewhat? I spotted a number of potbellied indie elders on Saturday night.... I must say, I don't mind a little cushion. It sure beats a boyfriend with skinnier legs than you.

4. Hot, skinny, smoking 14 year olds.....

This is an oldie, but a goodie. I'm fairly certain everyone know knows about Lookbook. But if not, check it out. Catch a glimpse of the looks which shall be overly repeated on the indie, supre and every other form of Sydney style clone for summer. (Ok, I admit it. I'll be doing it too).

But make sure you have a tub of Connoisseur cookies and cream ice cream on hand to counter depression at the sight of fourteen year old girls strolling the streets of Stockholm, Paris or Copenhagen, cigarette in hand looking oh so fabulous.

But to dream.... and then pause and think "What kind of idiot gets gratification from spending all day posing in front of a camera and posting said photos of themselves to an internet site?"

I'll spend my days drinking Pimms' instead thanks

Over and out! I promise substance tomorrow. In the meantime, keep it foolish!

midweek mixtape

So I don't really have anything to say today. But apparently being a 'good' blogger means regular updates, and I just don't think my posting pictures of food cuts it as proper journalistic contributions. So I am adopting another form of no-brainer post pattern... a list of genius things that make me happy, and hopefully make you happy too...

1. Bands with awesome names.

These days, its not acceptable to have a boring band name. The indie world goes ga-ga (PUN!) for cutesy plastic fantastic names and I have to admit I share this love. I am far more inclined to do a sneaky elbo.ws download of a band with a sweet name I have never heard before than something dull. So here's a couple I am loving at the moment:

>>> The Phenomenal Handclap Band.
What a brilliant name. How can you not smile? What also makes me smile is the fact that in their myspace top friend list, they have not one, but two people sharing my name with correct spelling and all.

Aside from this self-indulgent appreciation, they are actually jolly sweet and have been getting a bit of play on Triple J as of late. They are currently supporting Friendly Fires in their US tour.... August 12th New York anyone? Meet you there.www.myspace.com/embassyproductions OR phenomenalhandclapband.blogspot.com

>>> We Were Promised Jetpacks.

A four piece from Glasgow (aaaah Scottish bands) popping out some cute little singles which have a happy-go lucky beat, strong guitar melodies and a lead singer who could easily fill in for Brandon Flowers should he ever vacate The Killers.

Check out 'Quiet Little Voices' and 'Roll Up Your Sleeves'

www.myspace.com/wewerepromisedjetpacks

2. Tim Rogers

No, not the Tim Rogers we usually write about here (aka Jack Ladder), but his musical predecessor, and (for now) the more famous musical Tim- frontman of seminal Australian band You Am I.

I have had a long-time love affair with this man, despite him being perhaps twice my age. His face tells a thousand tales of rock and roll debauchery, and he seems to have adopted an affected eccentricity which is ever so endearing.

He was most recently spotted gracing the Splendour in the Grass stage, joined by the *other* Tim Rogers (Jack). Whilst Jack Ladder wore a beautifully fitted jacket and oh so tight black jeans, Rogers rejected the need for formal rock stage attire, instead making the poncho his own. What a stunning combination.

He was also a guest on the ABC's Tuesday Night Bookclub last night, and his faux American narrators' voice coupled with bow-tie made me weak at the knees.

Cheers to old man crushes

3. Meat Free Monday

I eat a vegetarian diet on average five days a week. This is not from any political/social/moral urge, but due to the realisation that my body just seems to work better without meat/gluten/dairy products.
Hence dhal, soups and lentil-based dishes have become my favoured meals. However the recent push for 'Meat Free Monday' as a means of combating climate change means I am a lean, mean green machine without doing anything. Sweet. Go social activism and all that.

4. Photos with messages.

They may be a touch twee at times, but over the years I have saved them on my hard-drive hoping to have an occasion to publish. I have deemed today to be the occasion.

5. This gin:

South Gin is made in New Zealand by the same people who make 42 Below Vodka. Featuring all kinds of deliciousness, it is pretty much the best drink invented. South gin is the way to my heart.

Take that Kingsmill!

Radio station Triple J recently hosted the first Hottest 100 of all time countdown in over ten years, claiming to be the biggest listener –based music poll in the world.

Over the weekend of the countdown, presenters remarked on the feeling of community and togetherness felt as we debated, denounced and delighted at the slow reveal of tracks until the ultimate Nirvana anthem.

It seems that we all feel affinity with music as it provides the soundtrack of our lives. I cannot remember for the life of me where I saw this, but I read an interview recently with a fairly well-known Australian musician who stated he realised music was his chosen path after a few too many occasions of choosing a song, blasting it and imagining he was the star of his own movie, with soundtrack carefully selected.

Not content to exist in his own personal Garden State, he realised that he could instead create the soundtrack to his life, and in doing so live a life worthy of a feature film.

The notion of a soundtrack to your life really struck a chord with me (ha, awesomely bad music pun). As I listened to Richard Kingsmill reveal the top 5 tracks, I realised they were included for incredibly specific reasons- namely the extent to which they resonate with individuals own narratives.

Rage Against the Machine’s Killing in the Name has become immortalised in Big Day Out history, seeming that standing with thousands of other drunken sweaty youths shouting “Fuck you, I won’t do what you tell me” is indeed a rite of passage.

Similarly, Cohen’s Hallelujah is continually misinterpreted by all those thinking it a Buckley original, despite the subversions in intent and meaning. Nirvana’s Smells Like Teen Spirit remains the anthemic tribute to youth and all that goes with it. We continue to identify with the almost possessed drones despite the fact so many of us were barely in Junior School at the time of its release.

For me, my Top 5 memory relates to Joy Division’s Love Will Tear Us Apart. In the early hours of the morning some months ago, a group of substance addled individuals congregated in an Oxford St bar to partake in after-show festivities following a gig in Paddington.

Joy Division was played, and in our state we decided to follow the instructions of The Wombats and indeed dance to celebrate the irony. We all laughed at this musical travesty. All except the singer of one of the bands that had performed earlier, who questioned what the song was, and why everyone loved it so.

I backed away slowly, mortified that someone who derived their income from music could be so woefully ignorant of that beyond his own creation.

Anyway, enough band slagging. In the spirit of musical lists, I wanted to post my Top 5 songs which have influenced me over my life. I do hope you will forgive the self-indulgence. I promise they are awesome.

The Beatles- Yesterday
Possibly the first pop song I ever heard. Apparently as a baby I would only sleep in classical music was playing, however from age 2 my Father would sing this to me as I fell asleep. Despite being separated by oceans, whenever I hear this I feel like he is in the room with me.


2. Jefferson Airplane- White Rabbit
Also introduced to me by my Father as an 8 year old in London. I remember seeing photos of my Dad as a hippy with flowing blonde hair, bell bottom jeans and joint in hand outside Royal Albert Hall waiting for a Hendrix Concert.

Years later my friends and I stayed with him at his farm in rural New Zealand. Lying in a paddock beneath the perfectly clear night sky, surrounded by nothing else but empty wine bottles, we shouted “Remember what the door mouse said, keep your head, KEEP YOUR HEAD” into the stratosphere.


3. NSYNC feat Nelly- Girlfriend (Remix)
So it is here where I lose any semblance of musical credibility. This is pure twee pop in its worst form, complete with early noughties ‘rapping’. However let me explain. At age fourteen after spending a month in Zimbabwe for a family funeral, I was met at Sydney airport by my best friend- the first person my age I had spoken to for four weeks. I felt instantly at peace. It started three months of perfect summer weather, and the best summer of my life. For better or worse, this song remains the soundtrack to some of my best memories and even know when it occasionally plays through Itunes, I smile and know that everything is ok.

Apparently Justin Timberlake has disabled embedding on his youtube clips. Well Justin, I VERY MUCH DOUBT anyone actually wanted to listen to it anyway.

4. Kings of Leon- Milk
The most recent inclusion on my little list, this song represents everything I love about songwriting. The shifts, the simplistic chord structures, the heartbreak audible in Caleb Folowill’s voice- all of this made me fall in love. The line “called and I called but I can’t get through. Said he’s on his own, but his own is you” kills me. Such a tragic turn of phrase- expressing so much with so few words. After hearing this song I realised I wanted to be able to make music.

5. Leonard Cohen- Bird on A Wire
By far my favourite Cohen track. The opening lines:
Like a bird on a wire
Like a drunk in a midnight choir
I have tried in my way to be free…

I get chills from this moment on. The lyrics are beautifully ambiguous, heart-wrenchingly earnest and rich with simplistic imagery. I’m also a sucker for self-referential songs, so these lines win me over hook, line and sinker:
But I swear by this song
And by all that I have done wrong
I will make it all up to thee

A positively beautiful song, more favourably re-imagined by others than Hallelujah which is so frequently done a disservice in its repetition.

Sneaking into my top ten includes the following:
6. Radiohead- Creep: Being allowed to use the f-word when singing was a great novelty to me as a child. This song is still a regular favourite for drunken group karaoke.


7. Bob Dylan- Like a Woman: Rumoured to be written aout Edie Sedgwick. Pure songwriting genius. No explanation needed.

8. Ian Carey Project: Get Shaky. This rivals NSYNC on pure humiliation. However, it is contextually essential to this blog. Let me tell you a tale….

We set the scene… the backseat of a car, 3.30am. College St Sydney driving home from a very naughty night in Kings Cross.

This song is playing, and four inebriated girls sing loudly. Miss L remarks that this is the Myspace song of a boy currently stalking her, and ponders if it was a message that he wanted to ‘get shaky’ with her.

I immediately reply: “Oh L, he couldn’t shake you if he tried”.

Henceforth this song became ingrained in Summer 2008/2009 folklore and became the catch-phrase of our friendship circle for many months to come.

(back to the list)

9. Jack Ladder- Two Clocks. What’s a list without some Jack? One of the few songs from his first album to survive to the current set-list, this song is, in simplest terms, a mind-fuck. The seemingly sweet lyrics set against a simple melody and the classic inter-play of male-female vocal dynamic disguise a warning against the dangers of loving too much. The clever composition is unnerving in that it never allows the listener to truly understand Rogers’ intentions. There is a reason this has been played over 150 times on my Itunes.

10. Cream- White Room. Quite simply, a bloody fantastic track. Features Cream’s signature transcendental militaristic juxtaposition of psychedelic shoe-gaze with striking lyrics and strong beats. This is the song I would want as the soundtrack to my life in my own imaginary feature film.

Meanwhile, this live video is amazing. Bands these days just can't play live like this anymore. Also... isn't the drum pattern remarkably similar to Tame Impala's Half Full Glass of Wine?

I hope this hasn't been to painful... I believe Miss L will be posting a similar list, however hers shall be infinitely better I am sure (with far less embarrassing music).

Meanwhile, what would you put in your list?

I'm going to make a playlist of my Top 10 and go totally fucking Mexico...

Love Games

*blog title entirely devoted to Miss L’s new-found obsession with Lady Gaga, as well as of course the most famous Mighty Boosh song, sung by my favourite little downstairs mix-up, Old Gregg*

After my post a few days ago regarding types of men I have been attracted to over the years, Miss L followed up with her assessment of the same issue with great humour and an almost gratuitous photo homage to Zac Efron….

And it struck me that according to her flipbook of sexual desires, Miss L appears quite content with a man who can rock a pair of Ray-bans with attitude (indeed she even accessorised Mr Potter!).

So if she were to compose a list of desirable attributes in a future partner, his ability to rock the glasses would come top?

Or would this be trumped by a deeper desire, more befitting of a meaningful relationship, where accessorising skills came a distant second?

In my case, I have found that whilst my surface desires are often apparently indeed that (bloody shallow), the substance of my actual relationship is deeply different from anything I would write on a list cataloguing my desired attributes.

I am not as skilled as Miss L in creating pictorial representations of dreamboat men in Paint, so instead I shall refer to a list I wrote at age 12, kept in a diary for posterity (and giggles) which describes ad nauseum, my dream boy:
-blonde hair
-blue eyes
-tall and tanned
-preferably in a boy band

Aka I saw myself marrying Taylor Hanson. I’m fairly certain I had planned the wedding and everything… with matching shoulder length blonde hair we would have quite the fetching wedding album *ugh*.

Needless to say, I never actually dated anyone remotely similar to the list I had devised in my mind (thank god!).

Similarly, if I was to compose a list of my present day desires, they would certainly not paint an image of the men I have dated in the not-so distant past. The previously depicted representation of the dirty, indie rocker is far removed from the actual man, who have all been fairly straight, university attending, high achieving individuals who would look horribly out of place pacing the stage of Spectrum.

Similarly, that swagger and arrogance intrinsically linked with guitar virtuosity would be horribly suited to a functional relationship. My relationships are big enough for my ego only.

Apparently relationship books encourage the desperate and dateless to write a checklist of what they want in a potential partner.

I wouldn’t know as I have never read one… apart from ‘The Game’. I read this after spotting it on the bookshelf of a man I was involved in next to more worthy tomes such as his Environmental Management, Physics and Australian History textbooks.
This horrified me: Did his strategic bookshelfing indicate its worth in his life? Did he religiously study this in the same way one would rote learn Einstein's theories before a final exam? Was I an assignment? Some form of assessment as to the level of his skills learnt from such studious application?


Needless to say, after leaving his apartment, I hurried across to Borders to get a Chamomile Tea to calm my shattered nerves, and a copy of Neil Strauss’s step by step guide to transform the ‘average frustrated chump’ to ‘master pick-up artist”.

I shuddered as I flicked through the pages and realised just how many of these ‘techniques’ had been trialled upon me by various men throughout my young adulthood.

And I began thinking: Is ‘The Game’ mandatory reading in boys’ high schools? Young women read Pride and Prejudice in gaining an understanding of Austen’s representations of society and relationships, whilst young men learn that ‘negging’ is the way into a woman’s pants?

So now, I compose a new checklist of desirable attributes, devastatingly effective in its simplicity:
Does not have ‘The Game’ as a seminal influence in his understanding of relationships.
See Number 1.

Hopefully then I shall avoid the awful gameplaying (pun entirely intended) experienced in the declining stages of this particular dalliance.