I have a massive whinge for you. And yes, it is Facebook related.
I could try and be one of those people who pretends they don’t “do” facebook. Pretend to be so eclectic, whimsical and consumed with the issues of the world that I don’t have time for such nonsense, however let’s not kid ourselves. Facebook is the primary communication tool embraced by Gen Y, and it would be positively ‘un-hip’ to deny my devotion.
So….What is really upsetting me today, and has been for some time now, is those individuals (or should I say couples) who use facebook as a tool to publicly affirm their commitment to each other.
We all know these people. Their profile pictures feature themselves and significant other in some form of passionate embrace. Their status reads something along the lines of “Kelly Jane is so in love with Marc. I am the luckiest girl in all the world”. And your minified is clogged with their wall-to-wall of completely pointless postings consisting of numerous x’s, o’s and other nonsensical bullshit.
Yeah ok look, we get it. You love each other. Good for you, I’m happy for you. Really, I am. But for the love of God I do not need to see this when I log into facebook to check my wall postings over a bowl of muesli in the morning. It makes my bran flakes difficult to stomach.
I promise this indignation does not stem from jealousy. If I think back to my Facebook behaviour whilst coupled, it certainly does not resemble such suffocating tendencies.
If I read the wall- to-wall between myself and my partner of three years, it shows a grand total of three posts in three years which are:1. You smell.
2. My brother is on the phone. Will be over in fifteen. Hope you see this.
3. Your phone is switched off. What time do we have to be at the party?
Riveting stuff all round.
Looking back to my other substantial relationship reveals absolutely nothing in the way of wall postings, inbox messages or any other clap trap. Why? Because we were together. We did not need to resort to a public forum to communicate because we could call each other.
We did not post couple photos as profile pictures as we saw ourselves as two individuals in a relationship, not one horrifying entity.
Our relationship was conducted in private, for us only. The way one presumes any relationship should be.
To me, this public saccharine shit which is forced upon me by virtue of stalker feed is repugnant. It reeks of desperation and insecurity.
Why else would one seek some public affirmation of their virtue as a couple?
My unsolicited advice for these half-wits: Step away from the computer. And walk into the arms of your other half. Do what couples do. If you don’t know what I mean, you really need to spend less time on facebook and more time in the bedroom. Because you really can’t update your status whilst doing the dirty.
Or perhaps you can… but if you are, you have more issues than I have time to deal with here.
PS. This person captures it better than I ever could (perhaps as they know how to do a screenshot). Hilarious
hahahahahhahahhahahahahahahahahahahhaha!!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteso incredibly spot on....
cannot stop laughing!